THE
LAWLESS STATE OF FLORIDA
When
Jane and I first moved to the State of Florida back in late 1972, the
state had seven million residents and the Arab oil embargo was just
starting to show its ugly financial effects.
Tourism
was slowing and new construction of all kinds had come to a halt.
Disney had picked a bad time to open its Orlando location and we were
happy not to be actively in the labor market.
In
those days Florida was still a laid-back outpost of America where you
didn’t need a fishing license and liquor stores had drive-up
windows where you could get your open beer in a “sippin-sack” or
a mixed drink to drink as you legally clutched around town in your
“pick-em-up-truck”.
The
sleepy small downtown southern atmosphere was everywhere. Motor
vehicles parked with open windows and their keys left in the ignition
were the rule. In the stores you were politely addressed by a “yes
sir” or “yes ma'm” and out on the road it was still customary
to wave a greeting to everyone that you met.
Shortly
things were to change and I have heard the blame put upon those “God
damn Yankees”, but the drug culture, food stamps for everybody and
more lawyers than the whole world could tolerate crammed into one
state with lawsuit mania gone wild definitely did alter the status
quo.
Soon
the national franchise establishments out gunned all the mom and pop
businesses and there would be no going back to the relaxed world of
neighborhoods that were a community unto themselves.
Billboards
sprung up along Florida’s highways touting this slogan; “SEE
FLORIDA LIKE A NATIVE!” and the depiction below was looking down
the barrel of a loaded revolver.
Out
on highway 95 at the South Carolina border was an oversized billboard
welcoming all south-bound traffic with this slogan; “YOU ARE
ENTERING KKK TERRITORY”
Make
no mistake about it, Yankee this is the “Heart of Dixie!”
By
the early 1990’s little old laid back Saint Augustine, Florida with
its 12,000 people had the dubious distinction of having 22 pages of
lawyer ads in their local phonebook. The back cover of that phonebook
featured a lawyer and his law firm that Jane and I had business
dealings with that had an advertisement stating, “If your neighbor
has done you wrong we will make it right”.
LAWYERS,
ATTORNEYS AND ST. AUGUSTINE’S BOOMING NEW BUSINESS;
This
isn’t exactly a money generating enterprise, just a money
redistribution activity.
In
the early 1970s when Jane and first arrived in the Sunshine State the
population was 7 million residents and little old St. Augustine had
just over 12,000.
We
slowly became aware of a local business that didn’t at first seem
to show any outward signs of industrial enterprise.
While
thumbing through the St. Augustine phone book I had to do a double
take and then start counting. The Yellow Pages had twenty pages plus
the back cover of nothing but lawyers and their ads. This made me
think…how could a small town like this possibly support and sustain
this many lawyers?
Well,
I soon began to see just how these money manipulators worked when I
made my first visit to one of them for a land transaction. I was told
right up front that I had big problems and that I really needed their
service.
(I
have to tell this lawyer joke here because it is so fitting; A man
asks the lawyer how much he charges and the lawyer responds; $500.00
per question. The man shockingly says isn’t that a lot of money?
The lawyer responds, yes, and what is your third question?)
This
wasn’t a stagnant segment of the economy, quite to the contrary in
the next twenty years the number of lawyers advertising in the St.
Augustine phone book went from twenty to twenty-eight pages while the
population of the state climbed to 17 million.
With
this many lawyers the competition for the client buck became
extraordinarily apparent while reading through the Yellow pages of
the phone book.
(Here
are just a few of those ads that I found innovative and amusing.)
This
eye catching ad comes on strong; ACCIDENTS? HELP! Car*, Truck*, Slip
and Fall*, Dog bites*, Injuries of all types. If you have been
seriously injured or lost a loved one in an accident DUE to the
carelessness of someone else. I would like to help you.
If
you can’t come to our office we will be glad to come to you with 24
hour service 7 days a week. (Home delivery just like the pizza guy.)
This
next one, a former criminal prosecutor lists a long catalog of
specialties and ends his ad like this; 24 hour service/ major credit
cards accepted! (If you have credit you are in.)
Get
a load of this next attorney who right up front is bragging about
influence peddling.
(If
I am not mistaken, influence peddling used to be a criminal
offence.)
“Former
Deputy State Attorney and Chief Prosecutor.”
Here
this next one is the ambulance chaser extraordinaire; Featuring
“Serious Injury and Death Cases” this lawyer goes on to advertise
home and hospital visits, 24 hour emergency service, Local, National
and International cases. We Fly To Meet Your Needs!
Just
like a good neighbor this next lawyer states up front that he is;
“Here to Help” with no fee until a recovery is made…so, for
piece of mind call now! Any type of injury from dog bites to bikes
and machines to name a few are part of the long list. In small print
on the bottom of the page was this disclaimer; (OUR FEE IS BASED ON A
PERCENTAGE OF THE TOTAL RECOVERY AND IS COMPUTED BEFORE DEDUCTING
OUT-OF-POCKET EXPENSES.
(A
specialist); “Practice limited to: CAR ACCIDENTS” (No use being a
Jack-of-all-trades when there is enough dough in this stuff!)
The
variety of claims range from; “Personal Touch to accepts credit
cards, certified, “We do it All!” and bankruptcy justice for our
client…screw all the others? This “Specialist in extractions”
claims to limit his practice to ten different categories including
“breast implant cases and asbestos.
I
loved seeing this featured word “HONEST”, could they possibly be
casting mistrust and suspicion about the truthfulness of their
competition?
Speaking
of featured words this bankruptcy law office underlines for emphases;
FREE OF CHARGE and goes on to list four categories of
bankruptcy, Chapter 7…liquidation, 11 reorganization, 12 farmers
plan and payment plan all with free initial consultation.
The
ad photos in the Yellow pages say more than a thousand words could
possibly say but here is my summarized interpretation of a few; With
a beach bum hair-do and tight lips this guy says with his eyes; “I’m
Tough”.
The
photo of two bearded partners with the scale of justice prominently
placed between them says; “trust us, we do it all”.
The
woman with an eye-catching picture of a smile of innocence has trust
and confidence beaming off the page…how could you not trust her?
The
team photos give the impression that you will have the whole law firm
pulling just for you. Then in court you shockingly find out just
because they share the same roof doesn’t mean they are always on
the same team.
The
law firm lists three members but there are only two in the photo?
Hidden
implications lurk in ads playing on personal greed and my read comes
out differently than the printed word though I know that reading
between the lines is a dangerous place to search for the truth. A
bankruptcy specialist seems to say to me in his ad; “Screw
everybody for your excesses and irresponsibility.
This
ad from an out of town firm seems to say to me; Yah, we are out of
town but what the hell, it pays to advertise.
I
loved this header featured in one of the ads; “EXPERIENCED”. My
first thoughts were; Experienced? Oh really? How long?
There
was even a map accompanied by credit card logos that was supposed to
entice the prospective client to just drop in the law office credit
card in hand.
The
phone book company’s lawyers must have had a hand in this little ad
placed on each and every one of the 28 pages of attorney’s ads just
to cover eventualities that could arise out of this group whose
source of income came from expunging legal settlements of one kind or
another. “The hiring of a lawyer is an important decision that
should not be based solely upon advertisements. Before you decide,
ask us to send you free written information about our qualifications
and experience.”
As
this old Spanish saying I love so much says; “A good lawyer makes a
bad neighbor.”
If
you were going to be in business in Florida you had better be fully
aware of how to protect yourself from financial ruin. First you would
need extensive liability insurance that had a policy value at least
twice your net worth. In fact even if you weren’t in business you
needed liability insurance to cover things as strange as a thief
injuring himself during the act of robbing you in your own home. Next
you had better have a good lawyer on a contingency that was ready to
pull your feet out of the legal fire.
This
Florida legal industry is one of the most entrenched, lucrative and
competitive industries in the state.
Even
all the doctors in the area combined had less than 20 pages of phone
book ads probably because that in the end the lawyers wound up with
all the loot.
Lawsuits
against the medical profession made a whole state wide industry in
itself and some doctors in St. Augustine actually got sued to the
point that they were driven to financial rack and ruin so that they
then had to cease and desist their practices.
A
lawyer acquaintance of ours, Patrick R., was going in for surgery and
we told him definitely not to let the doctors know that you are a
lawyer. Patrick actually had a quizzical look on his face when he
responded, “why not?” We said that the one thing that doctors
absolutely unequivocally detest and despise are lawyers and what
better time for a disgruntled doctor to do a little payback than when
they had a lawyer under the knife.
The
American trial by jury system was made to order for these slickster
lawyers that could bamboozle the bucks for insane settlements and
then throw in punitive damages to suck out every last cent.
I
am still shaking my head at this one. A Florida woman sued a hospital
for a million dollars and collected. She claimed that she had lost
her psychic powers because of a hospital administered brain scan. If
she was indeed a true psychic she would have known in advance of the
outcome…right? Can you believe that a jury actually deliberated
this one…and then gave her a million bucks!
***
Florida
had the very best politicians that money could buy, land developers
found new ways to snare prospective buyers with catchy names for
their developments like “The Dunes” that was actually out in the
woods far from any shore, “The Shores” far from any water, “The
Heights” down in some marginally swampy low land and “St. Johns
Woods” with nary a tree in sight.
If
truth in advertising was the only sin of these developers it wouldn’t
have been so bad but the new buyers usually wouldn’t find out for
several years that there were no reinforcement rods in cement walls
that began to crack and buckle or the roof blew away for lack of
proper fasteners. But the eager Yankees would buy just about anything
if the payment schedule was easy. And so they did as another land
rush boom expansion picked up speed and momentum. Florida has this
allure like the irresistible temptation of a gambling establishment.
The jackpot is just another wager away, and the old adage once burned
twice warned does not apply.
By
the 1980’s we were beginning to see the first wave of this
transition to lawlessness in the land of the fuzz-buster when our
dinghy was stolen three different times.
The
first time our distinctive dinghy was stolen we had our live-aboard
boat Dursmirg anchored out in Matanzas Bay off of the City
Yacht Pier in downtown St. Augustine. We had gone ashore leaving our
very distinctive little dinghy that had our boat’s name, Dursmirg,
painted on each side in one foot tall block letters plus on the stern
was painted Bingy Dinghy I.
These
thefts were in broad daylight in front of the City Yacht Pier crew
that all knew us well and our strange little one-of-a-kind Bingy
Dinghy.
We
reported the theft to the marine patrol and in less than an hour our
dinghy was returned and the thieves apprehended.
We
were asked if we wanted to bring charges and I said, “Absolutely”.
Taking
the tender of an anchored out boat is just like stealing a man’s
horse in the desert. We lived aboard our anchored out boat and our
dinghy was the only way home or to shore and yes, we were allergic to
shark bites, so swimming in and out was out of the question!
Well,
the young thieves father we knew slightly came to us irately furious
stating that, “this was not stealing”.
Then
I told him that as long as he had absolutely no concept of the law
and property rights that the judge would just have to try to explain
this matter to him, as I obviously could not.
Well
that was just the beginning not just of the stealing and vandalism
but also the national attitude that the victim could and would be
damned.
After
all this was “The Lawless State of Florida”.
It
soon became apparent that it was a bigger offense to attempt to
protect your own property than it was to be the burglar, who in many
cases would sue and win judgments against the robbery victims for any
bodily injuries incurred while in the act of committing the crime.
Florida
had become “the land of the victim be damned”, with no recourses
or restitution for the victims and of course with all the
high-powered lawyers and bleeding heart juries it was far better to
be rich and guilty than poor and innocent.
Jane
and I worked hard to build our resources and try to make the world a
better place.
By
the mid 1980’s we had increased our holdings to include 640 feet of
river frontage and a deep-water dock to accommodate our fleet that
consisted of our 46-foot motor sailor Dursmirg and our
commercial fishing trawler Secotan plus a number of smaller
vessels that included our 26-foot Columbia sailboat El Barco.
In
our last eight years living in Florida, we were broken into nine
different times and vandalized. Two of those times I apprehended the
thieves at gunpoint.
It
became necessary to sleep with an automatic shotgun and pistol plus
devise a silent system of burglar alarms.
My
first alarms worked but didn’t catch the thieves. Using motion
detectors connected to lights and a radio I would get light and sound
that kept most burglars away. The occasional raccoon also was sent
scrambling.
Later
I became even more sophisticated with silent alarms and a sensitive
intercom system.
A
note here; because of the huge liability situation that property
owners were put into while being victimized by thieves it was very
important to have a complete and thorough knowledge of just what the
legal ramifications would be under these numerous robbery
circumstances so we had several intense discussions with our lawyer
before we even attempted to defend our own property.
Here
is some of the advice that our lawyer gave to us; “Number one was
to never shoot the villain in the back, make sure that you are
dispatching the intruder and not just wounding him with no more than
three shots. If for some reason the intruder is outside be sure to
drag him inside and last but not least put something in his hand
…even a rolled up newspaper will do. Then next call me, (your
lawyer) and don’t notify the police, I being your lawyer will take
care of that”.
So,
there you have the situation that the property owner was put in and
the confidential advice from our lawyer. If the situation was handled
differently the outcome could be disastrous and criminal charges
might even be brought against the victimized property owner. The
police department gave similar advice.
I
discovered that my greatest asset when dealing with these thieving
scoundrels was silence and surprise.
So,
with no lights and my very best sneakers, (my bare feet), I would
quietly creep out, with my loaded gun cocked and ready, stealthy in
the shadows to appraise the situation; first fact finding, how many
people would I be confronting?
Were
they armed?
How
aggressive were they and when could I get in position where I had
them covered while I would have a protected position in order to
carry out the open warfare that could easily ensue?
Then
as Jane was at the same time tip toeing off silently to call the
police, I waited for the precise moment to apprehend the thieves.
Surprise is essential in this situation followed by a complete
take-charge atmosphere. At the correct moment I would chamber the
shotgun…an unmistakable sound and give the command: “Don’t
move! Don’t even move!” The police would be there shortly
especially when my wife informed them that her husband was holding
suspects at gunpoint.
If
I had been a violent type of person I certainly could have had my
opportunities to blow these thieves out of existence but I did manage
to turn them all over to the police at gun point so that whatever
justice there was could then be carried out.
One
of these incidents happened while our commercial fishing vessel,
Secotan tied to our dock, was being boarded at 4 AM. Jane and
I were sleeping aboard our boat Dursmirg also tied to the dock. The
two vessels were tied stern to stern.
This
was a particularly quiet early morning. There wasn’t even a whisper
of breeze and the distant crash of ocean waves was just barely
audible.
Only
the occasional nocturnal sound of a hungry raccoon rummaging through
the abundant oysters crunching and cracking in search of a meal could
distinctively be heard.
Then
the alarm was sounded!
Our
ever vigilant nocturnal neighbors noisily let us know of the presence
on an intruder.
Only
those in tune with the special realm of wild aquatic natural tidal
marsh would recognize these distinctive voices of nature.
First
the clack-clack-clack of the great blue heron as he plumed his wings
to take flight and almost simultaneously the little nearly obscure
marsh grass dweller, the elusive marsh hen gave out its
rat-a-tat-tat.
These
were my signals to leap out of even the deepest sleep and spring into
action.
Silence
and stealth were my tactics. With a loaded automatic pistol in hand
and ready for action bare foot and silent as a cat on the prowl and
slinking through shadows fact finding first.
How
many intruders were there?
What
were they doing?
Were
they armed and if so with what?
Then
develop a strategy.
Next
with cover for myself I would find the best moment.
We
had in excess of $10,000 worth of electronics aboard our shrimp
trawler which was evidently too big a temptation for our neighbor
Harold.
Harold’s
mother owned the largest commercial building in downtown
Jacksonville, Florida and had lots of high priced lawyers to get her
kleptomaniac son off the hook, but he still received six months
probation, which was at least an acknowledgement of the crime being
committed.
When
the police arrived I turned Harold over to them and he proceeded to
call me every dirty derogatory expletive laced name he could conger
up.
I
told Harold that if the judge bought his story it would be OK with me
but he needed to tell the judge because I was pressing charges and I
knew that stealing was just so much fun until he got caught.
Ironically
after this incident a series of break-ins and robberies of marine
electronics at the marina just up the river from us dried up.
Florida
became a lawless place and glib tongued lawyers boasted of having
perfect records of springing all drunken driving cases, grand theft
auto wouldn’t even warrant one night in jail and the convenience
stores were being held up 2, 3 and even four times every night.
It
was like the thieves would take a number and wait their turn standing
in line to get in to steal.
As
I now think back over the years to my childhood I recall that my
father always exceeded the speed limit when he drove and that was
breaking the law. Well it soon became the standard thing to do
especially when radar detectors almost became standard equipment in
new cars in America. The law soon became a joke and little by little
anything that could be gotten away with was acceptable.
Fuzz
busters made a joke of the basic law, so where do you draw the line?
Sure
America had its lawlessness; we were continuously being robbed while
we were building our boat Dursmirg.
When
we made our maiden voyage from Superior, Wisconsin to Florida we had
three incidents of uninvited intruders. In Florida we had our dinghy
stolen three different times but now the pace and frequency of
robberies went wild. Was it the drug culture and all the criminal
lawyers making an industry to exploit?
The
Muslims are strict and swift with their form of justice and cutting
off the hand of a thief and turning him lose or stoning to death
instead of incarceration takes care of their problem then and there.
This
is in many ways much more cost effective than lengthy prison
sentences. New York City’s policy of zero tolerance completely
reversed that city’s horrific crime problem and that could possibly
be what is needed nationally if it ever becomes popular again to make
lawlessness a criminal offense with no exceptions for the rich or
influential.
I
certainly hope that some overzealous and fanatical movement won’t
take the law enforcement to the extremes of hand amputation.
For
Jane and I sleeping with loaded guns and burglar alarms just wasn’t
going to lend itself to a quality lifestyle so we headed to a
peaceful out of the way spot with a tropical climate excellent for
Jane’s health and where there was still police brutality against
criminals. This is where a property owner could still defend his
property and would even be commended for doing so.
On
this crowded planet, law and order will continue to deteriorate as
more and more disadvantaged people are on the outside of opportunity
with no hope of ever bettering their condition.
It
is easy for me to see that it wouldn’t take much prodding for some
homeless and hungry child to pick up a gun and take what he wants.
If
that was the only problem the solution would be simple but as I
stated earlier drugs, lawlessness and complete apathy among other
things have made this world a lot less harmonious and safe place to
live in.
These
problems could be solved without becoming fanatical, but human nature
won’t make a change until some fanatical political leader riles the
masses into a lynch-mob mentality and a fanatical solution seems like
the only logical solution.
And
so the radical fanatical pendulum must take its course again and
again.
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